Alright this one's rather mediocre. Rougher than some of the others I've posted. Obviously needs work. But I think it has some nice lines. Tell me what you think!
I want to be there on the cliffs
Looking at the moon across the sea
Watching the never ending waves
As they drift slowly, slowly away from me
In their parabolas of shadow
And the moon hitting them just right
Dotting the sea with glints of silver
Pockets of depthless shining light
And to sit there by the seaside
Only the surf on the rocks to speak
Calling softly in the abyss of nighttime
Just the moon, the sea and me
This one also seems to be a follow-up, in a way, to my poem "The Waveless Sea." Perhaps that's just me. The rhyming, cadence, theme of the sea...I just really like those elements, I suppose! :)
i like the lines "and to sit there by the seaside" and "Just the moon, the sea and me" a LOT. the others are good, but some sound sort of like they are trying to hard. ex. "in their parabolas of shadow" and "calling softly in the abyss of nightime."
ReplyDeleteyeah, i know. i'll fix it. thanks for the tip!
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